He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
