first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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