I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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