sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
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So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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