Apparently you make a good broom.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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