I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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