I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize