she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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