When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize