I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize