Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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