Yo dont text me then not text me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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