dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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