I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize