so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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