I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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