I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
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Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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