so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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