Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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