Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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