I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize