I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
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Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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