I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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