I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
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Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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