I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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