So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize