I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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