I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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