the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
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To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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