I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
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You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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