she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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