Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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