just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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