shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she smelled like a LAN party
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
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I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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