You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize