I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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