Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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