I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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