My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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