Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i think im in europe. pls send help
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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