she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize