ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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