how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
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i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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