Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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