My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize