I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize