I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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