What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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