I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize