Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
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We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
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Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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