Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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