I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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